I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
