you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize