How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
