She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
