so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When are your genitals available?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
