I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize