my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize