you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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