Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
