But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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