Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
