She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
