Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
