How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
