Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
