Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
