im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
