What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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