I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
