How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
