the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
