I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
