You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this will be a night to untag.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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