If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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