I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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