I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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