It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
