so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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