I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
