I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you still have your period?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
