there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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