he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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