i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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