those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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