I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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