get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
