The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
