Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
