ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
