We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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