she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
