New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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