Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Little spoons don't ask big questions
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
