I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
