u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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