i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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