i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
