My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
