so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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