it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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