No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
