A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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