And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
