i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
