On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
