you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
