i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
