So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
