Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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