I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found puke in my bra..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
