Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
